Hmmm.....

Been a while since my last entry....
Busy over work and school projects...
Everything is like a whirlwind....spinning round and round....
Sleep is something i have not been getting enough off...

but some stuff i wanna say,
My condolences to JL....over the loss of his grandma...

Looks like i got myself in some sort of deep shit....how???
Have i been giving her mixed signals?? i don't know...
Guess i just take everything a step at a time...

Felt great after the 10 km run yesterday, felt so refreshed after the gruesome run...
Think i should be doing this more often...and it seems like my pair of lungs are still doing fine...

Couple of weeks more before everything related to school comes to an end...
Just have to pick myself up and endure all the way till the finishing line...

SNAG, Metrosexual, now Retrosexual???

What the hell do women want???
First, they want a guy who is not afraid of showing him emotions, someone who is in touch with the senstive side...
someone who is not afraid to cry...blah blah...
Won't that make him a wimp in front of the gal??? Strange right??

The world is changing is much.....i think the women probably don't even know what the hell do they want in a guy anymore, with the earning power and spending power they command...
While they expect to be up to par with any guy, but the still expect to be treated like a spolit brat....
Man!!!!

-----------------------

My poor brother.....i thought he had managed to escape the crutches of the B$%&*, but i was wrong...
thought that finally is able to move on and seek new pasture....but...
Why do people keep running around in circles....
Sad....to see him get so frustrated...
kept saying that he's a useless fool, who will be always waiting for her...
what's so good about her??
When i ask him what happened, he could still denied that nothing is going on, when his face has already betrayed all his thoughts....
Pity....Pls make him grow up....
If i can, so can he....
Please.....if there's a higher being out there....
Crap...i must be crazy saying all this....
wahahahhahaha...

this week...

hmmm...
been busy the while week over a Logic Design mini project...
And although the most difficult portion have been solved....but i can't help thinking if i had done the right thing by showing the whole class what i had done...
Or should i had just kept it to myself and just waited till the day i'm supposed to submit it to the lecturer, and just do it quietly?
Hmmm....seems like everybody is copying my design and ..... Pui....the feeling sucks....
Although it's more of like helping everyone in the class, but.... What if? What if i didn't bring it up? would the other "smarter" one do the same? Or will they also be like me....

hai.....

maybe i'm thinkin too much....
Helping people should be a good thing right? So why am i feeling not happy about it??

Is being selfish better?? or?

Chat with a colleague....

One afternoon, I was sitting beside one of my colleague surfing the internet, out of the blue, she asked me, "Brian, Do you have a girlfriend?" I was rather reluctant to answer her question, but i guess one have to let go of the past. I replied, "We broke up couple of months back." She seems surprised!

I was thinking, WTF i'm so ugly meh? Cannot have girlfriend har??? #$%&

And she contiuned asking, "How long have you been together?" I told her... hmmm, going 6 year plus ba! Now her eyes opened even bigger, a bit dumbfolded... Guess what she said? I thought my relationship was long leh....Wah, yours is even longer wor, so rare these days. I was ??!!?? WTFFFFF...cannot meh???

Anyway, she tried to probed further, why i broken up with her....blah blah blah. Anyway the bottom line is we broken up. Not due to personality incompatiablity, but some other reasons...

Seven year leh, isn't it a pity? You bear to give it up meh? Don't you miss her? Will you still wait for her to turn back?

What can i do if she doesn't want to come back? if 7 years of relationship is important to her, i really cannot figure up why she could just so convniently jump into another relationship...What CRAP!!!

Anyway i pleaded her, i cried for her, i was in a daze for her...for what? Worth it?
With nothing to look back at the only way is to look in front and leave everything behind. And when i mean everything...that would include memories....those are the killers that suck you into the never-ending loop of hoping she might come back to you.. Pui!

"You must let her go out to try mah, then she will know that you are the better one!" She commented. Then? I replied. So i must foolishly await her return har? Aint that STUPID???

...................................................

Well, turns out she's also just ended her five year long relationship a month ago. I was, "Oh!", the same guy in your photo album? yeah, she confirmed... I guess that the reason why i never wanted to go for a photo-shoot with my ex, even though she insisted.
"So what happened?" i ask. Personality-clash was her reply! What??? Only after five years together, then you discover that you guys aren't compatiable?? What rubbish!!! You guys are even living under the same roof. (She stayed at her b/f place). So where are you staying now? i enquired?? I'm still staying at his place.

O_o

"I just don't shared the same room with him anymore." she said.
Isn't it arkward seeing him around after what happened? I asked.
Oh, no lah, he will try to avoid me de....

After all this, i just felt that she is so DAMN childish...and what she said later really confirmed my thinking...

She said, you know how hard is for me(after the breakup)?
Nobody drive me to out to work anymore, i have to walk all the way out the dark alley every morning to take the company transport to work.
He used to "da pao" food for me, but now nobody buy food for me anymore... So many things i have to do myself! I was so dependent on him! And he just left me like this...It so hard...

WTF lah.. Wake up!!! Gal You are responsible for your own life...
If you want to be serve 24/7 by someone, better to get a maid....can serve you more dedicated!!!
Wake up to Reality! please


Gals are just so hard to please....

Random thoughts...

Just back from a gruesome basketball match....
We lost again...
Feel so down...
We couldn't defend as a team...
Neither could we attack as a unit...
there is no corrdination of any sort...
When i talking to my Chartered team-mate, when we were going back together.
I asked him, " How can we expect to win like this?"
Guess what his reply was??? "We are not playing to win in the first place."
I was like ?!!??!!?
If we weren't playing to win, so why bother to play anyway???
Isn't it a waste of time???

I think i'm obsessed with winning... I want to win in anything i play in...
Be it just a friendly match or a match against a lousy team...
I just want to WIN...
I hate that losing feeling....
Especially when the player from the oppsing team says to you, "Hey, good game!!"
I was like....WTF???? How could it be a good game when we lost to your team?
It wasn't as if it was a one-sided contest....but i feel that both sides were evenly matched...
I HATE THIS!!!! I want to start winning some games....
I feel that if we lost too much games, we might actually lose the desire to win anymore....

Now if only i can start applying this to my daily life and not just on playing basketball....
ARGHHhhhhh

Poor Me...

Looking at my bank A/c via internet banking just now....
:,(
Inside really pitiful....so empty....
Realised i spent a bomb on all sort of stuffs just this month...and with pay-day still more than a week away...
Looks like i have to start bring instant Milo and Gardenia bread to work liao... wahahaha

Took some pic of the stuff i got this month....
Heart pain when i look at my bank a/c, but feel so shiok.....when i see my new toys!!!


First, i got this ring at TianPo with Esther and Perene.....

Looks pretty neat!!! I must say....

The white version of this watch is finally back....and without any second thoughts,
i grabbed it the moment i saw it at West Mall....No need to wear the Swatch anymore,
No more memories....

My new Cell phone.... Possibly the most powerful 2G phone currently on the market....
And it MINE!!!! Wahahahahaha

Well, with me changing to a new mobile, you won't expect my younger brother to be lagging behind either..
But what surprised me was, he's willing to settle for such a simple phone after using a N7610...
Strange....

Finally....all my loot for the month....

Please don't envy me...i'm just a poor techie....

Good night...

Chelsea won the Community Shield!!!!

Just back form watching the Community Shield match between Chelsea and Arsenal...
Final score after 92mins....Chelsea won 2-1
Finally they had defeated Arsenal....after 20 years??? Can't remember...
But winning this contest....does it mean that they will also fall into the jinx???
The jinx, whereby the winner of the Shield will not be able to win the Premiership???
I think Chelsea can beat the odds and win all trophies there's to win this season, be it the Fa Cup or The Champions League...
Today have been a wonderful Sunday....
EVerything went well...
Looking forward to the week ahead...hopefully i can get my V3 soon...
And it's back to the school....

The 7th Month....

Today is the first day of the Chinese Ghost Month aka The 7th Month...
Everywhere people is burning incense and burning "paper money"....Wah....
I really wonder if all this "stuff" that they are burning really get to the intended person....

It seems like today is also the month for the Filipino's Fight Club....Why? You ask....
Well, both matches that i played in 2day, almost ended in fight....
In the first match, against a team called St Luica, they were last year champions....but halfway through the match they ended up playing catching up with us, maybe we were playing really well.... I guess playing catching up really frustrate some of the players, afterall they are the champs....not used to be being behind in score...
I also don't know what happen, out of a sudden in the second half....from a off the court incident, they started chasing one of our player and came wallopping.... If you were there, looking at how big size some of the filipinos are...
Man, the way they are throwing their fists... every punch was with full power!!!! Out to kill man!!!

I was like (o.O) ?!!!???, didn't knew what to do and just stood in the middle of the court... Was i supposed to go forward to help stop? Or?? Will i get wacked for nothing???
Anyway both team got suspend by the committee....how are they gonna decide the outcome.... i Don't know....
The result was tied at 62 - 62
Was one of the best match, i played....pity i couldn't finish the match....

The second match was played at the Salvation Army near Bt Timah there... That place was "WOW", a church with all it own facilities, a indoor court, a music school, a theologist school or something.... It's really impressive....
A fight almost broke up there too....but i guess they were more controlled.... in their place of worship i guess....so nothing major happened...

Thinking back to all this things that happen, does fighting solve problems??? Why does people also resort to fighting? Won't it make the situation worse??? I don't know, maybe wallopping the other party does bring some sort of satisfaction...but is it worth it???

Or Filipinos are just violent by nature???

hmmm....

How to pass my chin-up???? Ahhhh

Lousy week....Had three tests and i think i'm probably gonna flunk for all of them....
I'm like a complete blank when i look at the test papers... i think it's my own fault for not checking the school website, whether they had uploaded any past year papers... Hai...looks like i have toput in more effort and try extra hard for the year end exams...

3 more months till my birthday, which means i have to clear my IPPT for this work year....
Alas, i failed in my weakest station(as expected), the chin-up station... I need to do at least 6 chin-ups to pass, but i could only mustered 5 pitiful one...AHHHHH...
But as i least i managed to clear the rest of the static stations and the 2.4km run.... Been so long since i had ran a 2.4.... At Maju camp, i just have to clear only 3 rounds of 800m.... 1st round was fine...2nd round, the lungs still to get tighter...harder to catch my breath... 3rd round was the killer.... luckily with my own stopwatch, i manage to squeeze in a walk here and there...
Timing was 11:15.... Phew, what a relief!!!
Now i have to book for another slot and hopefully i can clear my chin-up...

Saturday....What are you people doing? Out with friends? or your loved one? For me, woke up with a splitting headache.... Accompanied my mum to NTUC to do some goceries shopping... No strength to do anything... gonna rest my tired body, 2 grueing basketball matches back to back tonight... Hope i don't get injured... (touchwood)

My boss had been expectionally nice these couple of months, which really frightens me... but i can't lay on my laurels, and screw something up, i think i got to be extra alert and don't screw anything up.
Haven't seen my senior for 2 weeks already, and tomorrow i'm going to the lab late in the afternoon, don't know what kind if sacaristic remarks she gonna make... She's really a nice person, if only she not so calculative in everthing... Hai!!!

Why do some people think that it's possible to be friends after a relationship? Well, i'm not one of those people for sure!!!!
To whom it may concern, thanks for your concern towards me, but i think you are just wasting your time and effort, cause everything is not the same anymore :) I really don't see the purpose of making all this small talk, asking me about how my life is, how's day was, or whether if i had any stories to share....
No.... i don't have anything to share with you... not anymore, yes, maybe we are friends, so.... went we were together, how do i treat my friends??? I think i don't need to elaborate more....if you are a smart person...
Like i said, you are wasting your time... won't it be better that you spend more time with your new b/f or friends??? Don't tell me you never expect things to be like this when you decided to embark on your new life? :)

Yes, i'm trying to forget you... Cause i loved you so much... So much more then i had realised... But like i said it all doesn't matter anymore.... Be happy and be content with your new life... Pls stay away from me... I'm just a dark spot in your other-wise wonderful life...

MST...

In another few days, mid-semester tests is going to start....
Taking a couple of days away from work to study....
Seriously i haven't done much.... don't know what to study.

So happy for my (younger) brother, seems like he's finally over the stupid gal whom he was head over heels for...
Let's hope it remains this way. She's just another b#$*h toying with his feelings. Really don't understand what took him so long to realised that. I guess the end of my own relationship, somehow shown him that he too can move on from being trap in this endless loop.
Fast-forward to now, it seems like he's surrounded with gals ever since his started his Engineering Course in NYP. Whether he's in his class, or in his swimming CCA.... I'm so envious... And it seems like he really closed with this particular gal in his class... From their conversations, seems like this gal pretty much have a good impression of my brother. But i think he's probably too numb-skulled to realise anything. Wahahahahaha

What's there to look forward too?

These few days i kept asking myself these really dumb questions...
What's am i doing? Why am i here? What purpose do i served?
It's like i'm in the Matrix...am i a real human being? or just another battery

What kind of difference can i make? In my own life and other people's lives?
So confused!!! I feel so aimless...
Like dropping into a bottomless pit, free falling deeper into the void.

Why am i doing this diploma course? What do i hope to achieve?
To earn more money? To go higher up the corporate ladder?
If it's to make more money, i'm sure there's probably faster ways to make money...
To find a better job? Maybe....

When i was attached, i know i have to upgrade myself...so that i can provide my loved one with at least a decent lifestyle
But now i'm all alone...
What the motivation to push myself?
Ask a friend this, her reply was, "That's easy mah, go get yourself a girlfriend lor"

Haha...easier said then done

I think i need to set some sort of goals for myself...but what? Any advice?

Who can give me some answers?

I should be busy revising my notes for the upcoming test, instead i'm wasting my time pondering over all this crap.

What's wrong with me today? Everything is in a blur...
Head feel so empty...i feel so down... must be one of those "lost my mind" day!

Been listening to this song on my ipod....
"No Ordinary Love" by Sade

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love

When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling

I'm falling

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling
I'm falling

Chartered Challenge Basketball 2005

Chartered Challenge is a success!!! My team, erm...the team, Barako, that i played in came out top in the chartered challenge...Whoopie!!!!
After 6 hard fought matches...we were crowned CHAMPION!!!
Everything was great, we fought hard, stick to our game plans, played tough defence!!!
Haven't been enjoying such good games, even when i played in the BAS Div games...

We won all the matches, killed off the CSP team, Seven, that beated us last saturday... whacked them hard in the finals!!!
We aren't supposed to lose to them in the first place!!! Guess, we were too complacent.
The filliponoes in the team were great, just that they tend to lose their heads, and start doing silly things.
Good job, Arles, Noel, Marium, Zaldy, Abet and Philips!!! Three cheers to you guys!!!
Felt really good to be in the winning team...to lift the trophy, to have everybody cheering you on... although half the stadium is filled with people from CSP...
I guess that's what basketball is all about, that's the fuel that kept me going!!!!

I have done enough this year for the CSG team...the championship belongs to CSG this year. So i guess i will have to find another challenge next year with another team. :P Think i'm letting this win getting to my head...hahaha

Briused and battered all over... tomorrow it's the start of another new league of games....
the league whereby i can't swear....don't know how i'm going to deal with it.... but i'm not a swearing person, so it's not gonna be that tough...

Another wonderful week ahead i hope....

good night to everybody.....

Just back from lesson today...
Was a pretty lethargic day...didn't really have the 精神 to do anything...
guess i haven't been getting enough sleep for the past 4 days...

Mum shown me a newpaper article on how not getting enough sleep can be harmful to the body. I, too wish that i can have ample sleep every night, but it just can't be help! i guess...

Had two silly pratical test today...one is Micro-controller and the other is Logic design... think i should be able to get some good marks for both of them... Like i said, they are silly, so how hard can they be? :P

Today, someone msg me, asking this:
Hey, how are you? Life is good right? more meaningful than ever? how's ur days so far?

Hmm, if you get do check out my blog regularly, here's my reply to you :)

I'm very fine, thanks for your concern! Appreicate it very much...
Is Life good? I think so, but i'm not getting enough sleep as i just mentioned above. So is that consider good? Well, i don't.
A lot of things depend on how do you view them in life.
I'm just a simple person, so as long i got enough vitamin M, enough sleep and my basketball...i think i'm more or less i'm contented...
How's my days so far? I'm gonna be busy lor!!! Dreadful examinations coming up soon, lots of basketball matches to be played...
So many things, but so little time...and my IPPT also coming soon...NO TIME TO TRAIN!!!

So is my life meaningful? Seriously i don't know... Still looking for somebody whom i can share my joys with... that person can don't share my sorrows lah, i can handle them myself. LOL But it seems like that person is still far far away from me, so she so near me that i never noticed her???

Weird thoughts.....


Hope tomorrow is a sunny day....going to Safra Yishun to swim and work on my tan!!!

Good night, and thanks for reading....

Hmmm...been so busy these days....
First, with the Chartered Challenge going on now... Lost one if the three matches which we were supposed to have won!
Everybody was expecting us to come up tops for our group...

Murphy's law i guess....
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong....Hahahaha

But this Sat's final will be an exciting one!!! So anybody interested to catch some exciting basketball matches, please drop by at Chua Chu Kang Indoor Stadium!!! Lots of actions!!!!

Got pulled into another basketball league game...this time is a church open league, will be playing at Novena area...
Guess what? First thing i was told, that if i'm playing in a game, i'm not supposed to swear!!! OMG!!! No more "damn" or "shit"
Wah lau... but as Toine said, this league is a notch higher then the current CCK league i'm playing in. Looking forward to playing better players and improving myself both in my skills and mentally awareness....
Just pray very hard that i will not get injured...

Just back from practice with my new team-mates at NIE/SMU....aching all over, been so long since i had a massage.
I miss those nights when 'she' will massage for me, whenever she stayed over... Haha... Nevermind, can also go to a proper spa for a good swedish massage...

Ahhh....2 days away from the office....felt so good!!! Maybe i should do this more often...Now that i have completed the Basic Execl course, hopefully i can get to enrol in the other topics...

Learnt several new handy shortcuts when i'm using Execl, never knew that it could be so easy...
Overall, it's pretty interesting, but most of the things i learnt before already, so most of the time i was surfing the net!! Hahahaha
Also this is the first time i had a proper conversation with HG... In company, the most i said to her was either "Hi" or "Good morning" She seems like a pretty nice lady, but i guess i don't work under her, so i can't really comment.... I think it's better that things remain as it is this way...

After the external course ended, i headed straight to school....took bus 14 instead of the usual bus 106, wah...seems like forever...make me feel like vomitting....Yes, i admit!!! I get car-sick easily....
As i was in school way ahead of time for the lesson, i decided to go to the study area to surf the net on my lappie to kill some time...
That was when i saw her...Sitting at one of the bench with a fren of hers...i think they are studying or something. And so unfortunately she glanced in my direction...i'm sure she saw me.... I'm sure it was her....the blonde-dyed hair of hers....

I hate it!!! A few days ago, i have decided that i will just forget her existence totally and get on with my life...
Oh God, why do you want to make fun of me like this?? It's bad enough that you make her reply my sms messages with mono-pharse replies. It's bad enough that you make her doesn't want to go out with me... And now when i have finally set my mind on forgetting her...You just have to let me see her in person??? Why? Is this a test or a cruel joke??? I'm so weak....

Just like Joel said in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
"Why do i fall in love with every woman i see, who shows me the least bit of attention?"

Yes, i like her ever since i met her so long ago...but things had changed...

Life really sucks...

another weird idea....

After i have done scuba-diving....
I chance upon another website, offering sky-diving....
Should i even think about it???
So who's game????

Hmmm.....
Can't sleep, although i have to work tomorrow, just feel that the 2 days break is never enough.... Time just whizz by....before you know i, it's back to work and back to lessons....
Everything is so routine....and what the hell is wrong with the gals i know???
I'm just a simple guy who want to go out...that's all!!! What i get?? No replies after smsing her, or just mono-phrase replies from another....Why is it so hard???
I know i'm lacking in the looks department, but beside that i'm just an ordinary guy! I would eat you up....ARGHHHH...it's so frustrating....

I hate all this....

I'm back from Pulua Aur

Before i say anything...here are some nice scenery to begin with;








Cool right??? And the best thing about thise place? There isn't a telco base station! So no need to worry about the boss calling you up for work!!! Wahahahaha

Yes, the short weekend was spent on the island Pulua Aur for my PADI Open Water ScubaDiving Couse.
After a whole week of intense thoery and pool sessions. We (my buddy, JL and Me) are ready to face the depth of open water!!!

After an agonising 8 hour on both bus and boat. We got to P. Aur! Phew! What can i say about the place? Everything was superb!!!! Although lodgging could be better, but what the heck, we were there to dive not to enjoy the bunk!!

I have never snorkel before in my life...never really been to a bench resort beside Bintan, so i could never really comprehend how beauitful the underwater world is....And with the first of the five open water dive there.... i was like "Wow", i so want to do it again....

It's like a drug!!! Everything was so pretty, the corals was a beauty, the fishes are pretty....everything is so Zen in there...all peace and quiet. (beside the occasional tinking sound made by the instructors) You just have to fin your way around, and keep your eyes open to all the beautiful sights....

Most importantly!!!! I'm now a PADI certified openwater scubadiver!!!! WAhahahahaha....
How cool can it get??? What i need now is lot of diving kakis to go dive with me......And lots of vitamin M :(

Kinda broke for the month, but i really enjoy myself....
This is something i always dreamt about doing, and i have done it!!!! A pat on the back to myself!!!! :)
So happy but freaking tired!!!!

Think i will end this entry here, with this.....hee hee hee

Sometimes I wonder if I should have keep mum about my failed relationship. Yeah, I feel better with people around u, encouraging u, tellin u 2 move on, feel good about yourself...blah blah...etc

But why do I get e feeling tat i'm being joked abt? Am I petty? Or just thinking too much?

Why do people always try 2 link me up with stuff tat doesn't concerns me?
Yeah..."I'm single, but i'm nt tat desperate 2 get settle with just any gal!"

Example, new gal join my department. So? Seriously I don't really care if she's 18 or 35. Whether she's single or attached? This and that! "I DON'T CARE!!"

So what if she's single and fits everything tat I look 4 in a gal? I always believe in tis, "Don't shit at where you eat!!" Don't want to change the only place where I can have some peace (provided my boss and seniors don't give me shit) into a place of unpleasant memories if things goes wrong....

Shitty thoughts....Argh

dream....

i not much of a dreamer...at least most of the time i can't remember what i dreamt of...
But last night, i had the longest dream, although i only slept 6 hr but the dream was like the whole day!! i guess time doesn't exist when you are in dreamland....
what did i dreamt about? I dream about her. Yes, someone whom i should be forgetting... But everything is so vivid.

She was wearing the most beautiful white top that i had gotten her... her long flowing hair, which she haven't dyed and permed before. With a short demin skirt...she look prefect!!! You look really beautiful, Darling!! That what i said to her in my dream.
When we were together, i never really commented much on how she looked, how she dresses... she was always beautiful in my eyes. But i guess all women need some kind of assurance, doesn't matter if it necessary or not... wahahahaha

Time spent when we were in each other's arms...just close to each other, flesh to flesh...i could just smell her hair...everything was so clear...it didn't seem like a dream at all...What we chatted about was not important...what matter was we were in each other's company...she would just lie in my arms, although that will make my arm numb, but i didn't mind! IF that's wat she wanted, i will do that for her....I didn't want to wake up....

But....

I asked myself why am i having this dream??? Isn't it all over? Wasn't i supposed to totally forget that she ever existed in my life? The pain that now she's gone kept surfacing to my head. i don't understand why...

Life is starting to get bored i guess....


But why i miss her is not because i'm bored or whatever... I just miss the times we had...
If only....there was a time machine... if only...